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  • #55693

    How do you deal with a lot owner/investor (retired)  who continuously uses ‘gaslighting’ techniques to pursue his own agendas. ?

    There is a long history of false narratives and false allegations made by this owner around myriad issues.  However, I was wondering if there were other avenues outside of mediation and NCAT to deal with this type of behavior – it is immensely tiring and occupies a lot of time and energy constantly dispelling the allegations.

    When owners disagree with his ideas or motions he retaliates in some way,  to undermine your credibility or your lot entitlement.  When you disprove an allegation he simply comes up with another. It almost feels like a sport for him and he obviously has a lot of time on his hands.

    Do you think paying for a lawyer to ask him to cease his gaslighting behaviors in this regard could be useful? Any other thoughts would be much appreciated as most of us are exhausted by his antics.

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  • #55746

    I’ll offer a few words of caution having experienced, in my strata, an extreme gas-lighter with easily identifiable textbook antisocial personality disorders, which will often be the case.

    First, certainly get a copy of The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout PhD (copies in most libraries and many references on line) and possibly also Taming Toxic People by David Gillespie.

    I’d suggest the person in question isn’t going to be shut down or go away. If they appear to, rest assured, they’ll be back. The person sounds like a psychopath or sociopath. Martha Stout has a list of seven character traits and if you can identify four or five, you’re almost certainly dealing with one.

    Taking this person on might buy you a world of pain. Both authors of the books mentioned above say simply have as little to do with them as possible, ignore them as best you can and ‘live well’ yourself’. They just might lose interest but almost definitely won’t if you take them on.


    Perpetrators like this work on the fact that they can talk down the victims. As you say gaslighting.

    It takes a strong person to stand up to them, but thst eventually makes them go away. It’s also helpful to call out their behaviour. Tell them they are a bully and thst the actions they display are unacceptable and need to change.

    Its sort of using the same tactics as they use, but is forces them to defend themselves rather than attacking the victims.

    Just keep telling them that the behaviours  they use are not acceptable. Tell them thst you will not engage with them until they change.

    Easier said than done but set the boundaries you want, not their boundaries


    I wonder if it’s just a case of exposing the process and the disinformation to all the other owners.

    How about, every time he does it,  sending out emails that, without calling the person concerned a liar, just states the facts, supposedly in the interest of keeping everyone informed.

    Something like “Mr Gaslight, the resident of unit 666, has alleged that such and such occurred. In fact, this is what actually happened. Mr Gaslight has been informed of his error.”

    Then just keep doing it and doing it until his credibility in the block is totally eroded.  You will have to be persistent, and at least be able to corroborate the things that he says, but if he complains, you can say that you are allowing owners to hear his opinions and judge for themselves.

    There are few things worse that a neighbour with an irrational grievance and time on their hands.

    And if you don’t want to take it head on, maybe you could take your lead from Joe Biden who won’t even utter his predecessor’s name while Trump fulminates from his golf course to a gradually diminishing audience.

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